our trip to the orphanage

Five days after Brennan was placed into our arms, we journeyed back to the place where he had spent close to the last five years living.  Scott and I had decided we would indeed make the 4 hour (each way) trip to and from Maoming to visit Brennan's orphanage.  We wanted to know all we could about his life prior to his coming to be a part of our family.  We felt this would give us great insight into the little person of Brennan.  All week I mentally worked to prepare myself for what I knew was coming.  Honestly, I knew it was going to be a grueling day just from the standpoint of travel.  I also knew it would be very emotional for him and most likely for us.  I was very nervous about how he would react to going back to all he had ever known of life.  Still, we felt the benefits outweighed the risks so to speak.

playing around in the bus on the ride to the orphanage

one of the rice and sugar cane fields we passed on the trip to Maoming

We left the Garden Hotel in Guangzhou at 6:30am on Friday morning to begin our trip to Maoming.  When we were about 1.5 hours away from Maoming, the bus driver stopped to allow for a "potty break".  We all ventured in to the service station/rest stop type area.  When we came back out, the bus was no longer parked in the same spot.  The driver had discovered that one of the bus tires had a leak and was going flat, so he had the bus pulled over to the side of the service station to repair the flat as all 20 members of our travel group looked on.  After that small technical difficulty was ironed out, we journeyed on to our destination.
As we began to enter Maoming, it was incredible.  There were people and motorbikes and bicycles and automobiles everywhere!  Mind you it was lunch time "rush hour" for them, but I was still amazed by the sheer volume of motorbikes.  I held my breath on numerous occasions for fear that our bus was going to cause severe bodily harm to a motorbike passenger or two.  Thankfully we arrived to the orphanage without any incidents with either motorbikes or other automobiles!

people, people everywhere!!!

an apartment building just outside the orphanage

As we approached the Social Welfare Institute of Maoming City, I was struck by the realization that we didn't seem to be in a really "desirable" section of the city anymore.  Things seemed a little dirtier and a little more "run down".  There is also construction underway at the orphanage, so that added to the less desirable-ness of the surroundings.  Actually the inside of the courtyard at the orphanage was fairly nice; some trees and some plants.  There was still a lot of concrete and tiles around, though.  It just seemed "hard" to me.  Not necessarily the most inviting place for children to get out and play...certainly not like the grassy area of a playground cushioned with wood chips or rubber chips.

a view of the courtyard area

As we unloaded from the bus, one of the preschool teachers and a couple of girls we had requested to see on behalf of their forever families came out to greet us.  My goal for the orphanage visit was to stay near Brennan.  I did not expect he would want me to hold him or even hold his hand during this visit, I simply wanted to stay close by him.  I understood the importance of allowing him a proper farewell.  Well, as soon as he saw the teacher, he was pushing away from me to get to her.  She held him and talked to him.  It seemed he had a good relationship with that particular teacher, and I was thankful.

the teacher that came out to greet us as we arrived

We then went into the actual orphanage building.  I was just trying to take it all in; what he had seen everyday, what he had heard everyday.  To put it simply, I was trying to absorb as much as I could of his previous life in my brief time at the orphanage.  The first room we all visited was the playroom.  We removed our shoes and went inside.  Again, caretakers and teachers came in to greet the children.  And again Brennan expressed a level of familiarity and comfort in this place.  Then before I knew it, someone said to me "this is his (Brennan's) foster mother."  Immediately he pushed me away; pushed my hand away from him, and went to her.  He was smiling and laughing, and the foster mother picked him up.  Honestly it was a bittersweet moment.  I loved that he had such a feeling of affection for this woman.  To me that meant that she had done a good job on his behalf as his foster mother.  On the other hand, it grieved my heart that someone else had had to do the "job" of momma to my sweet son.  I knew instantly that he wasn't going to part easily with this foster mom in the moments to come.  About five minutes later, my suspicion became reality as the foster mother said something to Brennan in Cantonese and handed him back to me.  He began to cry and cry and cry.  He was trying to get back to her, but I was holding him.  For some reason I walked over to the door so he could watch her as she left.  I don't really know what made me do that.  Anyway, as she turned to look back one last time, she was visibly crying.  I was already feeling the emotion of the visit, and that expression of emotion on her part absolutely did me in.  I walked back to one corner of the playroom and just stood and held Brennan as we both sobbed.  I'm sure all those stoic Chinese ladies thought I was a complete nut case at that point!

Brennan and his foster mother

Thankfully I was able to regain my composure (helped in part by my hubby's admonition to get myself "under control"), and we then went to visit Brennan's sleeping room.  As we entered the room, one of the first things that struck me was this rhythmic banging noise.  Then I looked around and discovered that it was one of the children in the crib banging his leg up and down; a self-soothing mechanism.  I then discovered the reason it was so loud was because the crib was a metal frame with a thin sheet of blanket-wrapped wood for the mattress.  I was honestly overcome with so many emotions in this room.  It was heart wrenching to see these children.  I wanted to go around and grab up every child and rock and hug them.  But at the same time I knew I couldn't because I had my own child in my arms, and I was trying to help guide and comfort him through this experience.  In my moments of raw emotion in this sleeping room, all I could do was walk around and pray over these precious children, pleading for God to send families for them.  Many of the children were down syndrome babies.  Precious, precious little children needing to know what it means to have a momma and daddy to care for and love them.  Precious children needing to understand that their life has value and meaning.

the sleeping room

Lastly, we were taken to the spot where Brennan was discovered four and a half years ago.  It was the original gate to the orphanage property.  Now this gate stays shut and locked because of the construction on the property, and the orphanage is accessed by a small gravel drive on the side of the property.  Anyway, this original gate is right off of a road.  He most likely was left a mere couple feet from the road.  It also seems that he was left at night or very early morning as he was discovered very thickly dressed and wrapped in blankets at about 6:30am.  Only God knows how long Brennan had actually been there before he was discovered, and I thank Him for protecting our sweet boy during that time.

the gate where Brennan was discovered

I also thank God for the care Brennan received at the SWI of Maoming City.  By orphanage standards, this is certainly one of the better ones.  There are many more children there waiting for their families.  I sincerely hope and pray that these precious children will be granted the opportunity to truly know what family means, because I know first hand the momma and daddy will be granted overwhelming moments of joy by opening themselves and their family to these waiting children.  It is not always easy.  In fact at times it is really, really difficult.  But God blesses obedience.  He gives strength in moments of weakness.  If you name the name of Christ as your Savior, you have been called to in some way care for orphans.  What would God strengthen and empower you to do for the sake of these orphans?  You may not be called to adopt, but there are numerous other ways to be obedient to the command to care for the fatherless.  They need you, and God desires to bless your obedience.  

in the courtyard at the orphanage