Today we finally made it to Brennan's IAC (International Adoption Clinic) appointment at MUSC. We had an appointment scheduled a couple weeks back, but we had to reschedule due to some urgent dental issues that came up for Brennan and needed to be seen about the same day as his original appointment. We feel very blessed to have an IAC just 20 minuted from our home. It really is nice to have these types of medical resources right in your own town! I headed out with Brennan about midday, and we met Scott at the clinic. I did not tell Brennan what we were doing; simply that he and momma were going for a ride. Well, he is a pretty smart little guy, and as we got downtown and parked he started asking me if we were going for another visit for his teeth. Our dental appointment had also been at MUSC, so he recognized the buildings. I assured him we were not going back to the dental clinic, rather we were going to see a doctor who needed to look at this ear, listen to his heart, look at his arm etc. He seemed to be OK with that. When we got to the IAC they checked us in and pretty promptly began to get to "business". They weighed, measured height, took Brennan's temperature, and then they ushered us to the exam room. The nurse and the translator were the only ones with us at that point, but within a few minutes we had a crowd of people in the room. There were 2 doctors, 1 resident, and an OT person that came in to perform assessments. They spread out a sheet on the floor, pulled out some blocks and some pictures and got to work assessing. I was on the other side of the room with one of the doctors answering her assessment questions. I really appreciated that they asked us what we wanted to accomplish with our visit today. They wanted to know what our major concerns were so they could address them and order proper testing. At this point, our "biggies" are of course his ear and having his renal status checked to rule out oto-brachial-renal syndrome, particularly since he has an affected ear and arm.
Of course I was trying to answer the doctors' questions about health history and so forth, but at the same time I wanted to see what they were doing with Brennan in the floor. I could see some little wooden blocks. He was stacking those. I also saw them begin to ask him questions about some pictures. I think they were trying to get him to identify the pictures. The translator was helping, but I could see that Brennan wasn't responding very well to the translator who was a man. At that point I switched my focus from answering questions to the assessment that was taking place. I think Scott took over answering questions because I really became engrossed in the activity on the floor. The doctors also had Brennan go out in the hallway to walk and run for them. We rolled up his pants so they could see his legs, but he did not like that at all! He got all modest and rolled his pants legs right back down. They also proceeded with a physical assessment when we went back into the room; very smart to save that part until the end!
So at this point in the visit, we began getting feedback from their assessments. The OT informed us that she was very encouraged by his ability to use the right hand with the two residual fingers. She also said his gross and fine motor skills are lacking. This of course was no surprise to us. I am trying to work with Brennan on his fine motor skills while keeping him safe and accident free. It's a balancing act...no pun intended (especially with little brother and sister)! He has made improvement with walking stairs since we've been home, but I still hold my breath as I watch him running around. My neighbor can attest to the wipe out he had at the end of her driveway last week; and the subsequent dramatic meltdown that ensued. All in all, though, the OT was highly complementary of his abilities given his background and disabilities and said he had scored at the level of a 33.5 month old child. This fairly well coincides with the 17 month delay we expected from his time spent in an orphanage. She gave us some activities and games to play to foster the motor skills. I am particularly looking forward to learning how to play some game called "Sneaky Snacky Squirrel" :)
The next part of the assessment that was discussed with us was his cognitive and language assessment. The doctor let us know that she felt cognitively he was doing great. She actually said "he is amazing!" However, she felt his language/communication skills are lacking. She is afraid that with the differences between the two abilities (cognitive/language) he is going to become frustrated and begin to show behavior problems if we don't intervene to help with language development. I am not sure I fully agree with this assessment of his language. He was absolutely not responding well to the translator, so I don't think it was a completely accurate assessment. I also realize that I am NOT an un-biased opinion, though. The doctor wants to start him in speech and language therapy right away. I have always said that I would not be surprised if speech therapy was in Brennan's future, so I am not surprised. I am just not completely convinced, based upon what I see from him at home, that his skills are as lacking as the doctor thinks they are.
Lastly, we talked through his physical concerns. Brennan is a pipsqueak for his age...and it isn't all related to being Asian. Our boy is way below the growth curve. He currently wears 2T clothes and weighs 29 pounds at 4.5 years old. He also has not gained the first pound since we've been home, and he is certainly eating more and a more balanced diet than he was in the orphanage. There is some concern about genetic and/or endocrine disorders, so we will be following up with a geneticist as well as drawing several labs for testing. Again, none of this is a surprise really. We knew before we went to get him that he was small and could possibly have a condition causing this.
Before we left the clinic today, the doctors also wanted a hearing test performed on Brennan. So we walked down to the children's auditory testing area for the test. The lady performing the testing was super-nice and very willing to talk about what she was seeing result-wise. Basically she did a regular hearing test on the normal ear which tested out with great hearing. She then did a bone conduction hearing test on the left ear. As he started responding to the sounds on the left side, my eyes filled with tears. I knew what his response meant! Our boy would have an opportunity to gain hearing from that left ear. I am really happy for him!!! It is truly going to be life-changing for him to have hearing in both ears. We see an ENT on January 17th to get the ball rolling in that regard. We are praying for wisdom as far as what will be best for Brennan; BAHA (bone anchored hearing aid) vs. ear canal construction or perhaps a combo of both?
I am so thankful that Brennan is now in a situation where he can have good medical care. He is going to have a great team of doctors and a momma and baba advocating on his behalf. I feel like he is this little flower getting ready to really bloom! I am so excited to watch his potential unfold. I am so humbled and thankful that I will have a front row seat to the redemptive work that God is doing in this little boy's life.
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
our trip to the orphanage
Five days after Brennan was placed into our arms, we journeyed back to the place where he had spent close to the last five years living. Scott and I had decided we would indeed make the 4 hour (each way) trip to and from Maoming to visit Brennan's orphanage. We wanted to know all we could about his life prior to his coming to be a part of our family. We felt this would give us great insight into the little person of Brennan. All week I mentally worked to prepare myself for what I knew was coming. Honestly, I knew it was going to be a grueling day just from the standpoint of travel. I also knew it would be very emotional for him and most likely for us. I was very nervous about how he would react to going back to all he had ever known of life. Still, we felt the benefits outweighed the risks so to speak.
We left the Garden Hotel in Guangzhou at 6:30am on Friday morning to begin our trip to Maoming. When we were about 1.5 hours away from Maoming, the bus driver stopped to allow for a "potty break". We all ventured in to the service station/rest stop type area. When we came back out, the bus was no longer parked in the same spot. The driver had discovered that one of the bus tires had a leak and was going flat, so he had the bus pulled over to the side of the service station to repair the flat as all 20 members of our travel group looked on. After that small technical difficulty was ironed out, we journeyed on to our destination.
As we began to enter Maoming, it was incredible. There were people and motorbikes and bicycles and automobiles everywhere! Mind you it was lunch time "rush hour" for them, but I was still amazed by the sheer volume of motorbikes. I held my breath on numerous occasions for fear that our bus was going to cause severe bodily harm to a motorbike passenger or two. Thankfully we arrived to the orphanage without any incidents with either motorbikes or other automobiles!
As we approached the Social Welfare Institute of Maoming City, I was struck by the realization that we didn't seem to be in a really "desirable" section of the city anymore. Things seemed a little dirtier and a little more "run down". There is also construction underway at the orphanage, so that added to the less desirable-ness of the surroundings. Actually the inside of the courtyard at the orphanage was fairly nice; some trees and some plants. There was still a lot of concrete and tiles around, though. It just seemed "hard" to me. Not necessarily the most inviting place for children to get out and play...certainly not like the grassy area of a playground cushioned with wood chips or rubber chips.
As we unloaded from the bus, one of the preschool teachers and a couple of girls we had requested to see on behalf of their forever families came out to greet us. My goal for the orphanage visit was to stay near Brennan. I did not expect he would want me to hold him or even hold his hand during this visit, I simply wanted to stay close by him. I understood the importance of allowing him a proper farewell. Well, as soon as he saw the teacher, he was pushing away from me to get to her. She held him and talked to him. It seemed he had a good relationship with that particular teacher, and I was thankful.
We then went into the actual orphanage building. I was just trying to take it all in; what he had seen everyday, what he had heard everyday. To put it simply, I was trying to absorb as much as I could of his previous life in my brief time at the orphanage. The first room we all visited was the playroom. We removed our shoes and went inside. Again, caretakers and teachers came in to greet the children. And again Brennan expressed a level of familiarity and comfort in this place. Then before I knew it, someone said to me "this is his (Brennan's) foster mother." Immediately he pushed me away; pushed my hand away from him, and went to her. He was smiling and laughing, and the foster mother picked him up. Honestly it was a bittersweet moment. I loved that he had such a feeling of affection for this woman. To me that meant that she had done a good job on his behalf as his foster mother. On the other hand, it grieved my heart that someone else had had to do the "job" of momma to my sweet son. I knew instantly that he wasn't going to part easily with this foster mom in the moments to come. About five minutes later, my suspicion became reality as the foster mother said something to Brennan in Cantonese and handed him back to me. He began to cry and cry and cry. He was trying to get back to her, but I was holding him. For some reason I walked over to the door so he could watch her as she left. I don't really know what made me do that. Anyway, as she turned to look back one last time, she was visibly crying. I was already feeling the emotion of the visit, and that expression of emotion on her part absolutely did me in. I walked back to one corner of the playroom and just stood and held Brennan as we both sobbed. I'm sure all those stoic Chinese ladies thought I was a complete nut case at that point!
Thankfully I was able to regain my composure (helped in part by my hubby's admonition to get myself "under control"), and we then went to visit Brennan's sleeping room. As we entered the room, one of the first things that struck me was this rhythmic banging noise. Then I looked around and discovered that it was one of the children in the crib banging his leg up and down; a self-soothing mechanism. I then discovered the reason it was so loud was because the crib was a metal frame with a thin sheet of blanket-wrapped wood for the mattress. I was honestly overcome with so many emotions in this room. It was heart wrenching to see these children. I wanted to go around and grab up every child and rock and hug them. But at the same time I knew I couldn't because I had my own child in my arms, and I was trying to help guide and comfort him through this experience. In my moments of raw emotion in this sleeping room, all I could do was walk around and pray over these precious children, pleading for God to send families for them. Many of the children were down syndrome babies. Precious, precious little children needing to know what it means to have a momma and daddy to care for and love them. Precious children needing to understand that their life has value and meaning.
Lastly, we were taken to the spot where Brennan was discovered four and a half years ago. It was the original gate to the orphanage property. Now this gate stays shut and locked because of the construction on the property, and the orphanage is accessed by a small gravel drive on the side of the property. Anyway, this original gate is right off of a road. He most likely was left a mere couple feet from the road. It also seems that he was left at night or very early morning as he was discovered very thickly dressed and wrapped in blankets at about 6:30am. Only God knows how long Brennan had actually been there before he was discovered, and I thank Him for protecting our sweet boy during that time.
I also thank God for the care Brennan received at the SWI of Maoming City. By orphanage standards, this is certainly one of the better ones. There are many more children there waiting for their families. I sincerely hope and pray that these precious children will be granted the opportunity to truly know what family means, because I know first hand the momma and daddy will be granted overwhelming moments of joy by opening themselves and their family to these waiting children. It is not always easy. In fact at times it is really, really difficult. But God blesses obedience. He gives strength in moments of weakness. If you name the name of Christ as your Savior, you have been called to in some way care for orphans. What would God strengthen and empower you to do for the sake of these orphans? You may not be called to adopt, but there are numerous other ways to be obedient to the command to care for the fatherless. They need you, and God desires to bless your obedience.
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| playing around in the bus on the ride to the orphanage |
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| one of the rice and sugar cane fields we passed on the trip to Maoming |
We left the Garden Hotel in Guangzhou at 6:30am on Friday morning to begin our trip to Maoming. When we were about 1.5 hours away from Maoming, the bus driver stopped to allow for a "potty break". We all ventured in to the service station/rest stop type area. When we came back out, the bus was no longer parked in the same spot. The driver had discovered that one of the bus tires had a leak and was going flat, so he had the bus pulled over to the side of the service station to repair the flat as all 20 members of our travel group looked on. After that small technical difficulty was ironed out, we journeyed on to our destination.
As we began to enter Maoming, it was incredible. There were people and motorbikes and bicycles and automobiles everywhere! Mind you it was lunch time "rush hour" for them, but I was still amazed by the sheer volume of motorbikes. I held my breath on numerous occasions for fear that our bus was going to cause severe bodily harm to a motorbike passenger or two. Thankfully we arrived to the orphanage without any incidents with either motorbikes or other automobiles!
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| people, people everywhere!!! |
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| an apartment building just outside the orphanage |
As we approached the Social Welfare Institute of Maoming City, I was struck by the realization that we didn't seem to be in a really "desirable" section of the city anymore. Things seemed a little dirtier and a little more "run down". There is also construction underway at the orphanage, so that added to the less desirable-ness of the surroundings. Actually the inside of the courtyard at the orphanage was fairly nice; some trees and some plants. There was still a lot of concrete and tiles around, though. It just seemed "hard" to me. Not necessarily the most inviting place for children to get out and play...certainly not like the grassy area of a playground cushioned with wood chips or rubber chips.
 |
| a view of the courtyard area |
As we unloaded from the bus, one of the preschool teachers and a couple of girls we had requested to see on behalf of their forever families came out to greet us. My goal for the orphanage visit was to stay near Brennan. I did not expect he would want me to hold him or even hold his hand during this visit, I simply wanted to stay close by him. I understood the importance of allowing him a proper farewell. Well, as soon as he saw the teacher, he was pushing away from me to get to her. She held him and talked to him. It seemed he had a good relationship with that particular teacher, and I was thankful.
 |
| the teacher that came out to greet us as we arrived |
We then went into the actual orphanage building. I was just trying to take it all in; what he had seen everyday, what he had heard everyday. To put it simply, I was trying to absorb as much as I could of his previous life in my brief time at the orphanage. The first room we all visited was the playroom. We removed our shoes and went inside. Again, caretakers and teachers came in to greet the children. And again Brennan expressed a level of familiarity and comfort in this place. Then before I knew it, someone said to me "this is his (Brennan's) foster mother." Immediately he pushed me away; pushed my hand away from him, and went to her. He was smiling and laughing, and the foster mother picked him up. Honestly it was a bittersweet moment. I loved that he had such a feeling of affection for this woman. To me that meant that she had done a good job on his behalf as his foster mother. On the other hand, it grieved my heart that someone else had had to do the "job" of momma to my sweet son. I knew instantly that he wasn't going to part easily with this foster mom in the moments to come. About five minutes later, my suspicion became reality as the foster mother said something to Brennan in Cantonese and handed him back to me. He began to cry and cry and cry. He was trying to get back to her, but I was holding him. For some reason I walked over to the door so he could watch her as she left. I don't really know what made me do that. Anyway, as she turned to look back one last time, she was visibly crying. I was already feeling the emotion of the visit, and that expression of emotion on her part absolutely did me in. I walked back to one corner of the playroom and just stood and held Brennan as we both sobbed. I'm sure all those stoic Chinese ladies thought I was a complete nut case at that point!
 |
| Brennan and his foster mother |
Thankfully I was able to regain my composure (helped in part by my hubby's admonition to get myself "under control"), and we then went to visit Brennan's sleeping room. As we entered the room, one of the first things that struck me was this rhythmic banging noise. Then I looked around and discovered that it was one of the children in the crib banging his leg up and down; a self-soothing mechanism. I then discovered the reason it was so loud was because the crib was a metal frame with a thin sheet of blanket-wrapped wood for the mattress. I was honestly overcome with so many emotions in this room. It was heart wrenching to see these children. I wanted to go around and grab up every child and rock and hug them. But at the same time I knew I couldn't because I had my own child in my arms, and I was trying to help guide and comfort him through this experience. In my moments of raw emotion in this sleeping room, all I could do was walk around and pray over these precious children, pleading for God to send families for them. Many of the children were down syndrome babies. Precious, precious little children needing to know what it means to have a momma and daddy to care for and love them. Precious children needing to understand that their life has value and meaning.
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| the sleeping room |
Lastly, we were taken to the spot where Brennan was discovered four and a half years ago. It was the original gate to the orphanage property. Now this gate stays shut and locked because of the construction on the property, and the orphanage is accessed by a small gravel drive on the side of the property. Anyway, this original gate is right off of a road. He most likely was left a mere couple feet from the road. It also seems that he was left at night or very early morning as he was discovered very thickly dressed and wrapped in blankets at about 6:30am. Only God knows how long Brennan had actually been there before he was discovered, and I thank Him for protecting our sweet boy during that time.
 |
| the gate where Brennan was discovered |
I also thank God for the care Brennan received at the SWI of Maoming City. By orphanage standards, this is certainly one of the better ones. There are many more children there waiting for their families. I sincerely hope and pray that these precious children will be granted the opportunity to truly know what family means, because I know first hand the momma and daddy will be granted overwhelming moments of joy by opening themselves and their family to these waiting children. It is not always easy. In fact at times it is really, really difficult. But God blesses obedience. He gives strength in moments of weakness. If you name the name of Christ as your Savior, you have been called to in some way care for orphans. What would God strengthen and empower you to do for the sake of these orphans? You may not be called to adopt, but there are numerous other ways to be obedient to the command to care for the fatherless. They need you, and God desires to bless your obedience.
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| in the courtyard at the orphanage |
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
thoughts about home
We have now been home with Brennan for a little over a week. We are very thankful that he seems to be fitting in so very well to our family. He really likes Marleigh a lot, and he does well with Ben and Madelyn. I think they pose a little more of a "threat" to him because he has to share toys/attention etc. with them more than with Marleigh. He also seems to be bonding very well so far with Scott and me. He seems to prefer me, but we expected that based upon the fact that he had only ever known female caregivers at the orphanage.
Brennan has learned very quickly to LOVE playing with toy trains. He hooks them all together and sends them chugging around all over the house. He will keep them on the track sometimes, but he really just likes to watch them chug along and then crash into our feet, the cabinets, other toys. When we first arrived home he was hoarding the toys that he liked. He would fill up my plastic laundry basket with toys and push it along with him wherever he was going in the house. He also would fill plastic buckets with some of the smaller toys to carry around. Thankfully, as he saw that the toys weren't going to disappear that behavior has pretty much stopped. The other lesson he is learning is to share and not to scream in Cantonese at your brother/sister when they are playing near your toys. The sharing has been difficult and has elicited a few tears. I know those are hard lessons for little people to learn...especially little people who have most likely always had to fight for their toys.
We are also very thankful that Brennan is a seemingly good eater. He will at least try whatever I have prepared for a meal. Yesterday he liked the idea of pumpkin white bean chili, but in reality two bites was enough for him. A few things I have learned very quickly: I must always have boiled eggs available, he loves corn on the cob, and he isn't too keen on the milk here in the States. Brennan is eating at least one hard boiled egg a day...and some days he will eat three! He knows I am keeping them in the fridge for him, so he will get my hand, pull me to the fridge, reach up for me to hold him and reach in the bowl to get the egg. He even has gotten the hang of peeling the shell off! As I said, our biggest food "issue" at this point is milk. He loved these little milk boxes while we were in Ch*na, but I obviously can't find them here. I have tried regular milk from the carton poured into a cup, regular milk in a "juice box" type container, Horizon vanilla milk in the "milk box", and Gerber graduates strawberry milk boxes. So far we've had the most success with the vanilla milk but even that wasn't overwhelming success. If milk is our only food issue, though, I'll take it because I can get him to eat yogurt for some calcium consumption. He truly has been so good to eat most everything offered from oatmeal pancakes to blueberry waffles to cheese quesadillas to ravioli; all things that must seem a bit odd to his Chinese taste buds.
I have also learned that with 3 kids ages 4.5, 3.5, and 20 months everything is an event! We have been trying to get outside as much as possible partly because the kids love to be outside and partly because they get into mischief if we stay inside too long. Getting the three of them dressed to get out of the house has now become seemingly an Olympic sport. Yesterday morning it only took 30 minutes and I wasn't sweating by the time they were all dressed, so I declared that success at this point! We have been checking out all the different playgrounds around our side of town too. Brennan loves the slide; that is for sure his favorite. The swings not so much. We have made progress from the first time he was screaming and crying bloody murder on our back yard swing, but we have to take it very slow and his tolerance level is at about 2 minutes and done. It has been very interesting for me to see the difference in muscle control/coordination between the 3 little kids as well. Madelyn and Ben are both "like a little muscle" compared to Brennan. They can pull/push themselves on the different playground equipment. They also have fairly coordinated steps around on the different equipment. Brennan is unsurprisingly not at the same level with his muscle tone and coordination. For example, we have a swinging bridge on our neighborhood playground. When Brennan approached the bridge to cross it to get to the slides, he sat down on the edge to slide his bottom over and stand up on the bridge (as opposed to stepping down like the other kids do), and when he stood up and realized the bridge moved, the look on his face was total fear! I quickly grabbed his hand, but it was obvious he didn't have experience being on something like that little "swinging bridge". I just am so happy and thankful, though, that God has placed Brennan into our family for us to share these types of experiences whereby his muscle tone/coordination/spatial awareness will certainly grow and develop in time.
All in all, I would say yes we have some orphanage related issues with Brennan. There is self-soothing behavior, there is a little "self-destructive" behavior when he gets angry/frustrated, and he certainly is not on the developmental level of a typical 4.5 year old. I think given time these things will improve, though. From all accounts I think what we are dealing with is mild in the grand scheme of things. The orphanage Brennan was at did a good job with the resources they had of helping him learn to use his little hand and of giving him some basic educational foundations in his preschool. For that we are extremely grateful. And by God's grace, we can build and grow upon the foundations we have. I am so excited and humbled to be witness to the "growth harvest" God brings forth in Brennan's life!
Brennan has learned very quickly to LOVE playing with toy trains. He hooks them all together and sends them chugging around all over the house. He will keep them on the track sometimes, but he really just likes to watch them chug along and then crash into our feet, the cabinets, other toys. When we first arrived home he was hoarding the toys that he liked. He would fill up my plastic laundry basket with toys and push it along with him wherever he was going in the house. He also would fill plastic buckets with some of the smaller toys to carry around. Thankfully, as he saw that the toys weren't going to disappear that behavior has pretty much stopped. The other lesson he is learning is to share and not to scream in Cantonese at your brother/sister when they are playing near your toys. The sharing has been difficult and has elicited a few tears. I know those are hard lessons for little people to learn...especially little people who have most likely always had to fight for their toys.
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| Oh for the love of toy trains! |
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| We have decided it is more fun to use the basket as a toy than for hoarding toys! |
We are also very thankful that Brennan is a seemingly good eater. He will at least try whatever I have prepared for a meal. Yesterday he liked the idea of pumpkin white bean chili, but in reality two bites was enough for him. A few things I have learned very quickly: I must always have boiled eggs available, he loves corn on the cob, and he isn't too keen on the milk here in the States. Brennan is eating at least one hard boiled egg a day...and some days he will eat three! He knows I am keeping them in the fridge for him, so he will get my hand, pull me to the fridge, reach up for me to hold him and reach in the bowl to get the egg. He even has gotten the hang of peeling the shell off! As I said, our biggest food "issue" at this point is milk. He loved these little milk boxes while we were in Ch*na, but I obviously can't find them here. I have tried regular milk from the carton poured into a cup, regular milk in a "juice box" type container, Horizon vanilla milk in the "milk box", and Gerber graduates strawberry milk boxes. So far we've had the most success with the vanilla milk but even that wasn't overwhelming success. If milk is our only food issue, though, I'll take it because I can get him to eat yogurt for some calcium consumption. He truly has been so good to eat most everything offered from oatmeal pancakes to blueberry waffles to cheese quesadillas to ravioli; all things that must seem a bit odd to his Chinese taste buds.
I have also learned that with 3 kids ages 4.5, 3.5, and 20 months everything is an event! We have been trying to get outside as much as possible partly because the kids love to be outside and partly because they get into mischief if we stay inside too long. Getting the three of them dressed to get out of the house has now become seemingly an Olympic sport. Yesterday morning it only took 30 minutes and I wasn't sweating by the time they were all dressed, so I declared that success at this point! We have been checking out all the different playgrounds around our side of town too. Brennan loves the slide; that is for sure his favorite. The swings not so much. We have made progress from the first time he was screaming and crying bloody murder on our back yard swing, but we have to take it very slow and his tolerance level is at about 2 minutes and done. It has been very interesting for me to see the difference in muscle control/coordination between the 3 little kids as well. Madelyn and Ben are both "like a little muscle" compared to Brennan. They can pull/push themselves on the different playground equipment. They also have fairly coordinated steps around on the different equipment. Brennan is unsurprisingly not at the same level with his muscle tone and coordination. For example, we have a swinging bridge on our neighborhood playground. When Brennan approached the bridge to cross it to get to the slides, he sat down on the edge to slide his bottom over and stand up on the bridge (as opposed to stepping down like the other kids do), and when he stood up and realized the bridge moved, the look on his face was total fear! I quickly grabbed his hand, but it was obvious he didn't have experience being on something like that little "swinging bridge". I just am so happy and thankful, though, that God has placed Brennan into our family for us to share these types of experiences whereby his muscle tone/coordination/spatial awareness will certainly grow and develop in time.
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| Learning to drive the Mustang. |
All in all, I would say yes we have some orphanage related issues with Brennan. There is self-soothing behavior, there is a little "self-destructive" behavior when he gets angry/frustrated, and he certainly is not on the developmental level of a typical 4.5 year old. I think given time these things will improve, though. From all accounts I think what we are dealing with is mild in the grand scheme of things. The orphanage Brennan was at did a good job with the resources they had of helping him learn to use his little hand and of giving him some basic educational foundations in his preschool. For that we are extremely grateful. And by God's grace, we can build and grow upon the foundations we have. I am so excited and humbled to be witness to the "growth harvest" God brings forth in Brennan's life!
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| We have discovered the Spinbrush...and regular oral hygiene. |
Sunday, October 21, 2012
The arrival
We arrived to the Garden Hotel where we would be staying 11 of our 14 days out of the country on the afternoon of Saturday, October 6th. Our gotcha day was scheduled for the afternoon of Monday, October 8th, but we wanted to make sure we got to Guangzhou and settled prior to Monday. It was nice that there were 4 other Lifeline families there as well with a combined 4 kids around Marleigh's age from those other families. Those kids had a great time playing at the pool together on Sunday afternoon before the "big" day!
Needless to say, I hardly slept on Sunday night, and it wasn't due to jet lag! I was so nervous about getting Brennan the next day. I was nervous about the "trauma" he was going to experience on gotcha day; how would he handle it and how would he "handle" us as his new family? I was nervous about his level of hearing, and how we would all be able to communicate together with the language barrier. I also became very nervous thinking about how this was going to really change our current family dynamic. Of course I had thought through all these things a million times before, but the full weight of what was about to take place was really pressing on me in the wee hours of the morning that Monday morning. All I could do was lay in the bed and pray...and it truly was one of those "groaning of the Spirit" kind of prayers. I had some words to pray, and then all that would come was "please God, please God". No doubt He knew the cries of my heart that I couldn't even really verbalize at that moment.
Fast forward to around 11am on Monday morning. We met with our wonderful, wonderful guides Rebecca and Miko. They had updates on the children for each of the families. It was like a little "get to know your child right before you meet your child". They gave us all the recent physical, developmental, social, and educational information about our little boy. Rebecca, who has a leadership role with the Maoming orphanage partnership on the Ch*na side of things, kept saying "I know your boy, and he is so smart." That honestly made me feel really happy. After this meeting I ran back to our hotel room and quickly made Marleigh, Scott, and myself a PB&J sandwich before we left for the Civil Affairs office.
One the bus on the way to the Civil Affairs office, all the families were talking among ourselves about who was going to take pictures/videos for each other. Thinking back on those conversations now makes me laugh because as soon as we arrived to the office all sense of organization and planning went right out the window! We were given paperwork to review for our adoption certificate, and then we were quickly ushered to the other side of the room where our children began to appear from behind a red curtain. Brennan came out last, and he was smiling...at first. He looked at me like he recognized me from the pictures we had sent. He also let me pick him up. I kissed him and he threw his head back and giggled. Then he reached back for the caregiver who had led him out from behind that red curtain. When he realized that I wasn't going to give him back and that she was gone (at least from his sight), the flood gate broke. He began to cry and cry and cry. Even though we walked back to the other side of the room, he was pointing and saying "mama" for her. Nothing we had in the little bag for him would make him happy. He didn't want a toy car or a Doodle Pro or candy. He wanted what was familiar; the woman who had helped in caring for him for the past 4.5 years. I understood, and it made me so sad for him. I immediately went into "momma mode" though. I just quietly sat and rocked him, holding him against me and wiping his tears and his little nose. The only thing he would accept from me was a couple sips from a water bottle.
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| The first picture of Brennan with us; we got a smile in the first moments. |
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| Then he realized his caregiver had left. He is looking for her. |
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| He was so sad. I cannot even imagine what he was thinking at this point. |
As I continued to try to comfort him, Scott was called into an office to meet with the orphanage director and the caregiver who had traveled with Brennan that day. It was basically an opportunity to ask any other questions we had about him and to hear from them any insight that would be helpful to know. They told Scott that Brennan was a very sensitive little boy and that he was a slow eater. They said if we would be patient and give him time he would eat a lot. In the meantime, I realized that Brennan had completely fallen asleep on me out in the other room. I wasn't sure at that time if it was exhaustion or a coping mechanism. Now I think he was just really, really tired from traveling 4-5 hours that morning to meet us. It was soon time to leave the Civil Affairs office, and I got really concerned about him falling asleep there and waking up somewhere else. Thankfully, he woke up right as we were getting on the elevator.
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| Right before we got on the elevator. Marleigh was happy to finally have her brother! |
Our guides then took us all to a store called Jusco to get grocery items for our kids. I decided to take Brennan in the store in the hopes he might see things he liked and point them out to us. Not so much! I think he was mostly overwhelmed...imagine Target on Black Friday. That was what it seemed like inside the store! We did manage to get some milk boxes, some rice crackers, and some yogurt for him. Then we headed back to the hotel.
Scott went to a Chinese restaurant across the street to get fried rice, noodles, and congee at the suggestion of the guides. Brennan wouldn't really eat that food very well, though. He ended up eating yogurt, Pringles, and a milk box for his dinner. Oh well, nutrition wasn't exactly the top priority at that moment. He gradually seemed to warm up to us a bit through the evening, and at around 9:30pm I took him to bed. Brennan and I laid down together and looked through some books we had sent him for his birthday back in March, and the next thing I knew he was fast asleep! I was amazed by how quickly he just shut his eyes and went to sleep.
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| Fast asleep! |
Monday, October 8th has changed our lives for sure. Although Brennan was not happy at first, he has gradually come around. We certainly have a lot more bonding/attachment to do with him, and we have some medical issues to work through. All that stuff pales in comparison to the blessings and sanctification lessons this little guy has brought and continues to bring to us. We are so thankful that God had this little guy planned for us all along, and that He moved us to step out in faith to add Brennan James to our family.
Monday, October 1, 2012
Looking back before we move forward
I am going to try to make this short and sweet. Anyone who really knows me well just laughed at that prospect. This is the last blog post I'll make from this side of the Pacific. We leave Wednesday morning at 10 am to head towards Ch*na to get our Brennan (we'll spend a couple days in Hong Kong before we arrive in Ch*na). I can hardly believe we are so close. In some ways the past 11 months seem so long and in some ways they have been a blur. I think I have the 3 other little ones to thank for that blur part :)
I have been thinking so much over the past few days about how the Lord has so graciously brought all this together. This time last year I had no idea who Annie, the lady who was advocating for our Brennan, was. Now I know her pretty well, and I thank God for how he has used her to help build our family. He also used a lady named Angie who was an "advocate cohort" along with Annie. I actually first saw Brennan's picture on Angie's blog, but Annie pretty quickly came into the picture as well. They are both wonderful friends who are burdened for orphans.
I also am just awestruck by the kindness of the Lord in leading us to Lifeline Children's Services. I cannot even begin to say enough good things about how fabulous they have been through this process. They were actually praying, as a staff, for families to be moved to want to adopt some of the little boys that were available, and our Brennan was one of those precious boys. How cool is that? I have met several of the various staff from Lifeline, and they have commented that they remember praying for Brennan. It makes me smile every time :)
As a result of this adoption, I also have been drawn into a local group of adoptive families I might not have otherwise gotten to know. It's always wonderful to have new friends, but it will be even more beneficial for the kids to have friends like them: adopted into a forever family or the biological child with siblings who were adopted into the family. Both of those "statuses" are special, God-given gifts. I hope Scott and I can help our all children steward their gift well for the glory of the One who ordained their "status" to ultimately be rooted in Him.
So, off we go to add another precious little guy to our brood. It is exciting and nerve-racking all at the same time! We are praying that God would bless us and Brennan by helping him to receive us with joy that he has this thing called a family, the beginnings of love for us, and the beginnings of trust in us. We also pray for wisdom of how to best meet Brennan's needs by helping him understand how to live in a family. It would be an honor to us if you might pray the same thing on our behalf!
I have been thinking so much over the past few days about how the Lord has so graciously brought all this together. This time last year I had no idea who Annie, the lady who was advocating for our Brennan, was. Now I know her pretty well, and I thank God for how he has used her to help build our family. He also used a lady named Angie who was an "advocate cohort" along with Annie. I actually first saw Brennan's picture on Angie's blog, but Annie pretty quickly came into the picture as well. They are both wonderful friends who are burdened for orphans.
I also am just awestruck by the kindness of the Lord in leading us to Lifeline Children's Services. I cannot even begin to say enough good things about how fabulous they have been through this process. They were actually praying, as a staff, for families to be moved to want to adopt some of the little boys that were available, and our Brennan was one of those precious boys. How cool is that? I have met several of the various staff from Lifeline, and they have commented that they remember praying for Brennan. It makes me smile every time :)
As a result of this adoption, I also have been drawn into a local group of adoptive families I might not have otherwise gotten to know. It's always wonderful to have new friends, but it will be even more beneficial for the kids to have friends like them: adopted into a forever family or the biological child with siblings who were adopted into the family. Both of those "statuses" are special, God-given gifts. I hope Scott and I can help our all children steward their gift well for the glory of the One who ordained their "status" to ultimately be rooted in Him.
So, off we go to add another precious little guy to our brood. It is exciting and nerve-racking all at the same time! We are praying that God would bless us and Brennan by helping him to receive us with joy that he has this thing called a family, the beginnings of love for us, and the beginnings of trust in us. We also pray for wisdom of how to best meet Brennan's needs by helping him understand how to live in a family. It would be an honor to us if you might pray the same thing on our behalf!
Thursday, September 13, 2012
the 7th birthday redeemed
I had a pretty stinky 7th birthday. It was absolutely NO fault of my parents. They couldn't control the weather or the fact that I was sick. You see, my birthday is in January. Where I grew up in NC it snowed usually once a winter. Of course the year I turned 7 that snow came on my birthday, and I got a little sick with a cold. So, school was cancelled. And my mom had made cupcakes for the 28 or so kids in my class. What to do? Make lemonade out of lemons. My mom broke out the cupcake tree (yes she had a plastic one before they were cool :) and I had a "cupcake tree birthday cake". That part was fine, I was totally fine celebrating with my family. I just remember being disappointed that I couldn't take my cupcakes to school for a celebration and that I felt pretty rotten.
Fast forward to the present time. Today my oldest child celebrated her 7th birthday. Call it living vicariously through your child if you'd like, but I was determined her 7th birthday wouldn't be "stinky". We started early this morning. I had a birthday banner up for her, I wrote a Happy Birthday message on the mirror in the bathroom and taped bright pink streamers in the bathroom doorway. She was served a "peanut butter Birthday toast" complete with a candle, and we sang to her. All of this transpired before 7am! She had asked to have sprinkle doughnuts at school, so Scott and I took them and had lunch with her. This evening we went to our local Japanese restaurant for dinner and paid the extra $5.50 for a song, cupcake, and photo. Let me just tell you, that may have been the best $5.50 ever spent! She was over the moon with excitement. I even heard "this is the best birthday ever!" I'm pretty sure, though, that next year will be the best birthday ever as well :)
So, mission accomplished! The 7th birthday has been redeemed. And I'm so relieved...it's been a 25 year wait for me to redeem the 7th birthday :)
Here are some photos of our fabulous day. Enjoy!
Fast forward to the present time. Today my oldest child celebrated her 7th birthday. Call it living vicariously through your child if you'd like, but I was determined her 7th birthday wouldn't be "stinky". We started early this morning. I had a birthday banner up for her, I wrote a Happy Birthday message on the mirror in the bathroom and taped bright pink streamers in the bathroom doorway. She was served a "peanut butter Birthday toast" complete with a candle, and we sang to her. All of this transpired before 7am! She had asked to have sprinkle doughnuts at school, so Scott and I took them and had lunch with her. This evening we went to our local Japanese restaurant for dinner and paid the extra $5.50 for a song, cupcake, and photo. Let me just tell you, that may have been the best $5.50 ever spent! She was over the moon with excitement. I even heard "this is the best birthday ever!" I'm pretty sure, though, that next year will be the best birthday ever as well :)
So, mission accomplished! The 7th birthday has been redeemed. And I'm so relieved...it's been a 25 year wait for me to redeem the 7th birthday :)
Here are some photos of our fabulous day. Enjoy!
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
continuing to learn that mercy triumphs
"God is the only one looking through every layer and at every implication. He also looks upon the situation in context of what it is, what was, and what is to come. His deliberations don't just involve immediate impact. He sees our place and our positions amid carefully woven generations." --Beth Moore, James: Mercy Triumphs
I love this quote, and I loved Beth Moore's study of the book of James! I had the absolute pleasure of studying this book of the Bible over the summer...as we waited 78 days for our LOA (letter of approval) from Ch*na. There were so many rich lessons to be learned through this short little book written by Jesus' brother. Ask for wisdom without doubting God, man's anger doesn't accomplish God's righteousness, do not show favoritism, the danger of the tongue, the pitfalls of envy and selfish ambition, God's sovereignty, and waiting patiently for the heavenly "rains" were just a few of the sweet lessons the Lord had in store for my heart through the study of the Word. As a matter of fact, the study made such an impact that I asked Scott if we could name Brennan after it. I wanted it to serve as a reminder to me of the lessons I had learned and will some day be able to share with Brennan. My sweet hubby obliged, so our boy will be named Brennan James. I'm so thrilled to be able to talk to him one day about the significance of his name!
As we are finally nearing the end of this long wait to Brennan, I have been thinking back over the course of this journey and really the past few years. I specifically remember hearing myself say at one point several years ago that "I didn't feel particularly inclined to adopt from Ch*na." Wow. Just WOW. I am so thankful for a God who knows all the layers of every situation and sees every implication; who looks upon the situation in the light of what was, what is, and what is to come. God obviously heard me make that statement, but by His mercy and grace worked in my heart because He knew that He had a precious little Chinese son planned just for our family. God knew what was to come, and that He had chosen me to be a part of it. That.is.humbling!
So here we are, awaiting the pickup of our Article 5 letter this coming Friday which will then trigger the wait for our Travel approval from Ch*na. Two more steps in the process to hopefully get these sweet little arms wrapped in a hug around our necks. We are hoping and specifically praying for a "gotcha day" of October 8th. For one thing, we don't want Brennan to have to wait any longer for us. Four and a half years without a momma and baba (daddy) is long enough! Also, there are financial implications. It is much more expensive and difficult to get hotel reservations later in October due to an international trade fair in Guangzhou. October 8th CAN be done by our God who has intimately orchestrated all this process, so we are "asking in faith without doubting" that just 3 days after Scott and I celebrate 10 years of "wedded adventure" we will welcome another little one to our family. We would so appreciate it if you would also prayerfully make this "gotcha day" request on our behalf!
Thank you, friends, for all your prayers, support, and kind words through the course of this adoption process!
I love this quote, and I loved Beth Moore's study of the book of James! I had the absolute pleasure of studying this book of the Bible over the summer...as we waited 78 days for our LOA (letter of approval) from Ch*na. There were so many rich lessons to be learned through this short little book written by Jesus' brother. Ask for wisdom without doubting God, man's anger doesn't accomplish God's righteousness, do not show favoritism, the danger of the tongue, the pitfalls of envy and selfish ambition, God's sovereignty, and waiting patiently for the heavenly "rains" were just a few of the sweet lessons the Lord had in store for my heart through the study of the Word. As a matter of fact, the study made such an impact that I asked Scott if we could name Brennan after it. I wanted it to serve as a reminder to me of the lessons I had learned and will some day be able to share with Brennan. My sweet hubby obliged, so our boy will be named Brennan James. I'm so thrilled to be able to talk to him one day about the significance of his name!
As we are finally nearing the end of this long wait to Brennan, I have been thinking back over the course of this journey and really the past few years. I specifically remember hearing myself say at one point several years ago that "I didn't feel particularly inclined to adopt from Ch*na." Wow. Just WOW. I am so thankful for a God who knows all the layers of every situation and sees every implication; who looks upon the situation in the light of what was, what is, and what is to come. God obviously heard me make that statement, but by His mercy and grace worked in my heart because He knew that He had a precious little Chinese son planned just for our family. God knew what was to come, and that He had chosen me to be a part of it. That.is.humbling!
So here we are, awaiting the pickup of our Article 5 letter this coming Friday which will then trigger the wait for our Travel approval from Ch*na. Two more steps in the process to hopefully get these sweet little arms wrapped in a hug around our necks. We are hoping and specifically praying for a "gotcha day" of October 8th. For one thing, we don't want Brennan to have to wait any longer for us. Four and a half years without a momma and baba (daddy) is long enough! Also, there are financial implications. It is much more expensive and difficult to get hotel reservations later in October due to an international trade fair in Guangzhou. October 8th CAN be done by our God who has intimately orchestrated all this process, so we are "asking in faith without doubting" that just 3 days after Scott and I celebrate 10 years of "wedded adventure" we will welcome another little one to our family. We would so appreciate it if you would also prayerfully make this "gotcha day" request on our behalf!
Thank you, friends, for all your prayers, support, and kind words through the course of this adoption process!
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